Say What?

Two disclaimers are needed for this post.

1 - I do not make this stuff up!!

2 - I find nothing humorous about being deaf.

This past week my brother has been in the hospital having surgery for lung cancer. CANCER STINKS!

Due to this I've been taking care of his "farm". (2 horses, 2 dogs, 2 chickens). Okay, integrity forces me to admit that I haven't been taking quality care of the chickens as a result of a rather nasty rooster attack I endured at the tender age of 12.

One of his dogs is a crazy little boxer named Izzy.

(Pic below is not actually Izzy, but looks just like her.)

Sweet Izzy loves to run, run, run, jump, run, run and run some more. Her spirit cannot be contained!!

Saturday I decided it would be good to get some exercise and decided I'd walk down to the farm, feed the animals and then walk back home. It was lovely.

As I rounded the corner into their neighborhood I saw a bit of a commotion centered around... gasp... was that Izzy? I picked up my pace a bit while my mind frantically searched for ways she could have gotten out. She should have been in her kennel, in the house, surrounded by fencing. No way that little wonder-mutt could have escaped.

As I was pondering that I noticed two people were chasing her around and waving their hands around a lot as they ran after her. Upon closer inspection I realized that those poor people were deaf and they were frantially signing to each other as they attempted to corral this errant K9. I'm sorry, but it was funny!

One of them kept shouting what sounded like "get away", but as I neared I realized that I had been fooled by the poor man's lack of speech ability, and he was really tyring to call the dog to him.

I joined in the fracas and we were able to subdue and contain the hound. Having no way to communicate with the deaf community I hoped one of them could read lips and asked if it was their dog.

They said yes.

Oopsies. I fet a little silly. Hopefully they'll think I was just a good samaritan out for a morning walk rather than a crazy lady. Hopefully.

After I left them to the loading of their pooch into an SUV, I began to wonder if perhaps they were deaf thieves and I had been taken in. But, rest assured that Izzy was snuggled in her kennel when I arrived at the farm.

No escaped boxer pups on my watch!!

As for the Izzy-twin... who knows what road she's running down as I type this. And I can't help put wonder just how many ice-packs her owners will have to put on their hands after such a work out.

He he he....

New Doctor, Please?

One of the hazards of celebrating a birthday as a young child is that you have to then go see the pediatrician for a Well Child exam.

Happy 5th Birthday Cadie Lu!!!

As soon as the balloons had deflated and the sugar rush had calmed down, we once again found ourselves in the waiting room staring at a fish tank.

The pediatrician is quite tricksy (aren't they all?) and always has his nurse be the "heavy" and administer shots and all things yucky. He just breezes in, tickles some tummies, looks in their ears and breezes back out. They love him. They are terrified of his nurse.

I had debated throughout the morning whether or not to tell Cadie Lu that she'd most likely be getting shots as this is her last visit before starting kindergarten in the fall.

I finally broke the news to her over lunch. I handled it with finesse and empathy. (Ha ha... I could hardly type that with a straight face!!) I pretty much just slapped the info on the counter with her pbj and let her chew on it for a while.

When we got to the doctor's office the dreaded nurse, Nurse "M", had Cadie weigh, measured her height, tested her eyes and then asked for a urine sample. Uh... I believe I had blocked that memory from when I took Ms. Els, because I'd forgotten. Cadie was willing to get on the pot, but she was looking at the pee-catching cup like it was an alien and it might try to... well... you know. No urine sample. Surprise, surprise.

Then Nurse M led us to our room and told us to wait a minute.

No sooner had the door had closed behind her, Cadie Lu turned to me and said, "Uh, Mama, I'm gonna need a new doctor."

Me: Why?

Cadie Lu: 'Cause that one will be back and I think she'll be bringing the shot. Can you get me a new doctor?

So I told her that would be fine and her face was all aglow with love for me when the actual pediatrician walked in. Super-Mom to the rescue!!

Imagine her surprise when Nurse M showed up later... needle and all.

He he he he... It was such a good trick!

Really people, isn't it all about finding joy in the mundane?


(How much was truth and how much was fiction? I'll never tell!)

Camerathlon - Lengthy Post!

You know, with the new year I thought about making a resolution to exercise a little more in 2011. I figured it wouldn't be too hard to have success, considering even exercising for 10 minutes a month would be more than I'd exercised in 2010. Easy Peasy.

But then I decided to try to get a picture of my three kids together and I realized something. I already do exercise. Sure, it may only be every couple of months. But, I figure my body can only handle this rigorous type of activity on a quarterly basis.

Unbeknownst to me I've been competing in a triathlon of sorts for years. I call it the Camerathlon. It involves three steps.

1-Begging

2 - Pleading

3 - Threatening

And, yes, I do work up a sweat.

Step One - Begging - begins about an hour before the actual photo shoot. I beg them to remember how much their mother loves them and would like to have a picture of them. I beg them to wear unstained clothing, brush their teeth and let me near them with a brush.

At the end of this phase I am mildly winded from chasing people around the house and wrestling clothing onto them without ruining their perfect little hairdo's.

Step Two - Pleading - begins on the drive to chosen photo shoot location. I plead with them to not rub their heads on the head rest. I plead with them to not chew on the collar of their shirt. I plead with heaven to help me keep that fake smile pasted on until the end.

At the end of this phase my hands have begun to shake. My face muscles burn with the effort of holding onto that cheerful expression. I'm now wiping sweat drips from my face and thanking the Fates that I stumbled upon Hubs' extra strength deodorant. (Okay, he doesn't use that, but it worked for the story.)

Step Three - Threatening - begins as we settle into our places and pull out the camera. I threaten them with no friends, no Wii, no Barbies, early bedtime, no college savings plan and sending their dog to the pound if they don't smile pretty for their loving mother. I remind them in a threatening tone that a lot of effort has gone into this day and they will regret it if we don't get a good shot because we will find ourselves back here again.

At this point I'm waving my shirt to cool myself down and feeling hot flashes bursting through my calm facade. I'm pacing behind the photographer, alternating funny faces and death stares to get their attention. I feel like I might pee my pants, but there isn't time for a pit-stop, not now when we're so close to the finish. I can feel the victory coming and I just know it will be worth all the effort.

And here is how it goes...

Ms. Els looks slightly unsure of what she's supposed to do at this point, but she's game. J-Bear is making sure there are no bats in his cave. Cadie Lu begins her emotional break down immediately upon being seated. She doesn't like her positioning and she is afraid of Mommy by now.

Ms. Els is smiling her best. She's been around long enough to know what happens when you don't smile. J-Bear has a very stubborn bat. Cadie Lu just realized she'll have to pay her own way through college.
Ms. Els continues to flash those pearly whites. White like the ice-cream cone she'll be getting. J-Bear could not possibly more disgusted with the proceedings. Cadie Lu was distracted by the word ice-cream and is now rethinking her position.

Even though the camera woman was attempting a new angle, Ms. Els is frozen in smile position and holding steady. J-Bear can't take any more and jumps ship. Cadie Lu sits back and tries to buck up, worried that maybe Mommy sent the photographer to dole out a punishment.

All in all it was yet another abysmal failure. And, undoing all the good my camerathlon did, I am forced to hit the DQ on the way home for a giant Blizzard. Sorry kiddo's. None for you. (Okay, maybe Els can have some!)