If you’ll call upon your memory banks, you’ll remember that I’m supposed to be singing my first ever solo next week. That’s right. NEXT WEEK! This knowledge has added immensely to my desperation to be over this cold.
I don’t like going to the doctor for a variety of reasons. For one thing, it’s such a gamble. There’s no middle ground here. You have two optional outcomes:
A – You are in fact ill and it was a good thing you came in. Or…
B - You’ve got a bad case of the sniffles and shouldn’t have wasted the time of the entire office staff by taking up space reserved for actual sick people.
Every time I get sick I go through the delicate “Do I Go” dance in my mind. I practically write a pro vs. con list. This morning I went so far as to Google “Sinus Infection vs. Cold” in an effort to more thoroughly prepare myself.
In the end, the desperation won. I needed healing and since my pharmacist sister-in-law refuses to break the law and just slip me some penicillin, I was forced to take that gamble and go.
Immediately upon arriving I used my superior skills of observation to take in the 6 people already waiting. It didn’t look good. We all know that one person waiting is equal to about 30 minutes of wait time. The first thing the receptionist said to me was, “Just so you know, you’re looking at a wait time of about 90 minutes.”
I almost said, “Well, just so you know this sinus infection will probably be here for another 90 minutes, so I guess I’ll wait.” Instead I gave her this zippy reply, “Well, 90 minutes with a Reader’s Digest and no kids sounds like heaven to me. I’ll wait.”
Tip: Being nice to the office staff keeps them from giving unnecessary shots!
Lucky for me there were some serious pansies out there who couldn’t hack the 90 minute wait. The nurses came out about 3 times and called names of ship-jumpers who had left. Suckers. Who pays a co-pay only to leave? I guess we all know that they weren’t REALLY ill or they’d have hung in there. Also, I feel like I should mention that I wish I was rich enough to just throw co-pays around willy-nilly like that!
My time came after only about 20 minutes. It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!
I exchanged some witty banter with the nurse and casually mentioned that my husband works for IHC and runs the payroll. (he he he). This scored me a sprite and a stack of the good magazines that she hunted up from other rooms rather than making me read something about hockey and crotch scratching. Heaven.
Then, she made me undress from the waist up and wear a robe. This is another area in which I’m confused. Last I checked a sinus infection is in your nasal passages… which are located above the neck. Not sure how nudity from the waist up is going to assist in diagnoses. But, again, we’re back to the sharp objects threat and so I did as she bade.
Now comes the truly confusing part. A doctor came in, looked in my ears, up my nose, in my throat, listened to my breathing and … asked what I use for birth control. Why is this important?
Now comes the truly confusing part. A doctor came in, looked in my ears, up my nose, in my throat, listened to my breathing and … asked what I use for birth control. Why is this important?
Is there a risk of my sinuses becoming pregnant?
Is this any of his business? Maybe I use abstinence… I am married after all ;) (that was for my hubby)
So, he suggested I use a nasal spray decongestant and then said he was sorry to say that it sounded like I just had a lot of nasal congestion.
I prepared to hang my head in shame for my waste of space…
But wait…
Then he said, “I’ll be writing your prescription at the nurses’ station. Get dressed and come on out.”
Did anyone else get lost there? So, do I, or do I not have an infection?
At the nurses’ station I picked up my prescription for amoxicillin and went on my merry way. I still have no idea if I’m really sick or not… but I have drugs and I’m going to take them.
P.S. I feel that I should end here with a fun-killing disclaimer. I'm not medically trained. I'm sure there are reasons for all questions asked by doctor's. Also,I wasn't trying to bribe special treatment by mentioning my husband's work. Okay, I thought it was funny... so maybe I was. Just sayin'...
4 comments:
Ah, the doctors office! Most of my memories are of Dr. W's office as kids with the suckers that were really like smarties on a stick. To this day I still expect that sucker! ;)
I totally understand the dance of do I go or not - I hate trying to decide if it's worth it! I hope you get better soon so you sound like an angel, not a hoarse Whitney Houston, he he he.
I had croup one time that I was supposed to sing...I got out of it by trading the pianist. She sang and I played instead. :) Maybe you should go for that...oh wait, you don't have a pianist, you're singing to an awesome cassette tape!
Teehee...it sounds like your sinuses were pregnant after all. ;P
Aspen-- you are hilarious!! I love the way you look at things :)
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