Flashy Flasherton

You know, I've been thinking.  And when I do, dangerous things are afoot.  I made a realization tonight, and in the spirit of free thinking and adventure I decided to act upon it immediately.  Consequences be... danged!

It occurred to me that there is a little something missing from ward (church congregation) parties.  We have food.  We have games.  We have comfortable social interactions.  We even have awkward social interactions where you realize that the only thing you have in common is a love for watery punch and chili dogs.

What we have never before had is this....

A flasher.

That's right folks. 

Now that I've planted the seed you have to admit that there is something to what I'm saying.  Can you just imagine the ward choir busting out a round of "Glory, glory, hallelujah" as the flasher takes the party to the next level?

Well, I could.

And I did.

Did what? you ask.  I flashed.

My chest.

At the ward summer party tonight.

In all fairness, the parts that really MUST be covered were still being held hostage by my brassiere.  I'm not looking to cause some of the more, shall we say "old fashioned", members of the congregation to have heart palpitations.  Can you imagine calling their children to let them know that dear old dad died of a flashing incident at the ward party?? 

Ha ha ha.... oh.... man....

What I was looking to do was give everyone something to see, point out, and then gossip about for the remainder of the evening.

If said gossip reached the bishop's ears and he was to feel uncomfortable giving someone of my reputation a calling in the ward and I was forthwith released from said calling... well... bonus!  (Extra bonus because it looked accidental and not like I was purposely sabotaging my calling status!)

Here's how it all went... DOWN... ha ha ha.  I kill myself.

So when we arrived at the ill-fated gathering I was sporting my ginormous (real word) sunglasses.  But, Jabes kept trying to get them off my face.  This became super tedious.  Also, I realized I was standing in a shady area.  Glasses came off and were securely tucked into the neckline of my shirt. 

After going through the buffet line - bent over I might add - and getting my plate along with food for three of my kids, I ran into a fellow wardie whom I had previously taught in primary.  As we were chit chatting about her new junior high experience her mother came up and said, "Uh, you're showing a lot of cleavage."  And she kind of pointed in the general direction of my business.

I looked down.

Hello Cleveland!

Then she said, "I just thought you'd want to know, 'cause I'd be uncomfortable showing that much off.  And I would guess that sometimes big-chested (why, thank you!) women don't always realize that stuff is showing...." at which point she kind of just petered out with her speech.

I thanked her for letting me know - like 10 minutes too late.  I've already flashed everyone in the buffet line as I was bent over the serving dishes, straining at the seams of my shirt, with the added effect of gravity pulling my sunglasses down.

Basically I showed everyone who glanced my way a nice little tour from Cleveland to my belly button.

You....Are...Welcome.  Hubs is probably jealous, cause he hasn't taken that tour for a while.

Ha ha.  I'm kidding.  But I had to say it. 

Then again, my mom reads this blog, so... Hubs has NEVER, EVER, EVER taken that tour!!!

Anyhow, , what's done is done. 

Last week I was mistakenly introduced as a visitor in my Relief Society class (newish ward). 

This week I think everyone will know exactly who I am!  And I'm guessing they'll want to be my friend!