Freedom

My DC girls gave me this jeep to remind me of Ben.
I hung it in my car - because, after all, cars were his "thing".
It now has a place next to the heart I've had hanging in each of my cars
ever since college.  A reminder of love, peace and the promise of the future.

Last night was the first night I've gone out since Ben's funeral.  It was the first time I've felt up to it.  And even then I really had to talk myself into going.  But I knew I needed it.

See, I was meeting up with my DC girls.  And I knew that I'd laugh and cry and come away feeling lighter.

What I didn't expect was the freedom they would grant me to embrace my emotions and the validation they would give me in expressing them.

I've kept my emotions, thoughts and feelings pretty close to my heart in an effort to not be a "downer".  I don't want to be "that girl" that only posts about her loss.  I want people to laugh and smile and feel happy after an encounter with me.

Last night they let me talk about the funeral, my thoughts and my feelings.  Me, who usually laughs and jokes.  Me, who we all thought had no deep emotions {ha ha}.  They gave me the freedom to be whomever I need to be as I go through this process.  And that freedom felt so sweet!

Thank you, once again, my dear friends.

You have no idea how much strength your encouragement gave me.

You have no idea how GOOD it felt to laugh and Google and gossip and talk about mundane every day things.

As always, when I needed you, you were there.

I loved Becky's reminder that at some point all of us will find ourselves on the front row next to the casket of a loved one.  At some point we will all have that moment where we will look into the audience and see  the faces of our dearest friends.  It's humbling to know that no matter what painful roads we may travel, we won't be alone.  And that even if we have a season of heartache and loss, we will still be accepted and loved until we can find our way again.

I want all my friends and family to know how much it meant to me to see your faces in the audience as I spoke at Ben's funeral.  This journey of life would be empty without our fellow travelers.

Thank you for joining me on my journey and for giving me some of your strength on the days when my "soul is on it's knees".

It will be because of you that my brightest days are yet to come!