Dusty Relics

There comes a time in every girl's life when she wants a little spending money, but doesn't want to get a job.

After thinking on this little problem of mine for a time I stumbled upon the pot 'o gold.  Egg donation.

Hello!  I'm totally done having babies.  My eggs are just lying useless, dormant and possibly somewhat depressed in my ovaries.  I am not only robbing my eggs of the chance to fulfill their duties, but I am also preventing the gift of my genes working their way through the land.

So, I did some research.  Turns out you can get an average of $8000 a "pop" for donating your eggs.

I figured it would be a snap.  No page after silly page of application.  All I'd have to do is send the company an email with this picture attached.

Caption:  Look what MY eggs made!

BAM!  Application process over.  Welcome, Aspen, to our fold.

Millions of couples would Oooh and Aaah over those darling faces, imagining their future model babies.  Babies provided my none other than selfless little me!

It was a win win.

Until I actually cracked open the details portion and began reading down the list of requirements.

Most of them I breezed through.

Obtained a high school diploma or GED - check
Non-smoker - check
No history of drug use - check (chocolate isn't a drug, right?)
No tatoos, body peircings or blood transfusions within the past 12 months - check.  (And YUCK!)

But then the insurmountable problem came:

"Egg donors must be between the ages of 21 and 32, and in good health."

Well.... dang.

See, I'm turning 35 in a few months.  And I'm pretty sure I started wheezing while carrying the laundry basket up the stairs the other day.  Can't exactly run a marathon.

Apparently my eggs are too ancient for those hoping to conceive   Dusty relics of my best years... blowing away in the wind of pickiness.

Did you not see the photo I sent you of the end results of my egg-production?

Perhaps another photo before you slam the door on all my hopes and dreams.

No?

Well, did I mention that my most recent production happened when I was outside the parameters of your requirements?

Who's the fool now?

Still no?

Well, fine.  I'll just keep my eggs.  They were too good for you anyway.

But, maybe you could send me a check for $4000.  Consider it payment for letting you gaze upon my GORGEOUS offspring.

*****
Note:  Having experienced infertility myself, along with several friends and family members as well, I in no way am trying to make fun of such a painful and private process.  Simply poking fun at myself.