Retail Rollercoaster

We've all done it.  We've ALL been THAT shopper who picks up something and then a few aisles over decides they don't want it, and rather than walking it back to where you found it, you just ditch it somewhere.... after covertly checking that no one is watching you.

We've all also been weaving through clothing racks and knocked something on the floor.  We've had our kids cry, we've had potty training accidents in public, we've gotten stuck in clothing in the fitting room and wondered if someone was going to have to come in and cut us out of this garment.  We've passed gas and blamed it on our kiddos, we've dropped a gallon of milk and had to ask an employee to help clean it up.  We've all had our child hide in a clothing rack and "disappear" for a heart-stopping moment.

But I never imagined that the poor people working in retail had to watch all those things happen multiple times each shift.

I also never imagined that during a slow spell one of the cashiers would go out into the aisle and "pop n lock" while waiting for another guest to come to the check stand.  {For those more 'weathered' readers, that is a style of dancing}.  But, that is for another post.  However, I have to say that I'm embarrassed FOR her every time I see her doing that.  She also pop n locks in the break room during her break.  Sometimes I accidentally go on break at the same time.  And it's a really LONG 15 minutes when that happens, with me trying really hard not to watch and to avoid eye contact at all costs because I'm sure my disdain for the situation would shine through in my gaze.

NOT my actual co-worker.  My co-worker is a girl, silly.

Don't get me started on how there is another employee who is a self-confessed connoisseur of 90s music.... and how I laughed when he said he was born in 1992.  He doesn't understand why I found that amusing.  Buddy, you did NOT grow up in the 90s.  You grew up in the 00s.  You were a child without fully formed opinions in the 90s.  You still ate an after school snack and watched PBS kids in the 90s.  But I digress.

ANYHOW, I didn't know that the retail business would be such an adventurous place to work.  There are so many things I just didn't know.  Like, really, I would probably just not try on clothing when you go shopping.  It's best to just be super sure of your size before you shop.  Honestly, taking the risk of having to make a return is better for your health than entering the twilight zone that is a fitting room.  If you most go in, do NOT use the big stall.  That is where all the weirdness goes down.  That is where moms go in with their toddlers who can't be left to wait outside the room.  And THAT, dearest reader, is where 99.9% of public potty training accidents happen.

That is also where teenage girl herds go to try on maternity clothing, or animal print feety pajamas, and take selfies of themselves in it, while giggling.  I really, really never imagined maternity clothing would be such a draw for the 14 year-old set.  Sometimes those same teenage girls ask a retail employee to take a selfie with them.... though the employee is just supposed to stay in their work clothing.  While there is no shame in agreeing to take the selfie, it's still kind of an awkward moment.  Who knows WHERE that selfie is going to show up later!!

NOT the actual teenage girls.  They would be wearing tiger stripped pjs

Friends, fellow shoppers, you only think you're being sneaky when you ditch items.  You aren't.  Shoving them under a pile of clothing doesn't make you as stealthy as you think you are.  Sending you toddler to ditch the item so that your conscience can remain clear is just downright shameful behavior.

Speaking of toddlers, for the LOVE people.... tell them the rules and then stick to it.  I can't believe how many toddlers sneak off and hide in the clothing racks {as previously mentioned, we've all been there so I'm not judging} only to have their mom stand there for 15 minutes trying to coax them out.  "Honey, if you want to go look at toys you have to come out of there"..... "If you don't come out we aren't looking at toys"...."Honey, if you please come out I'll take you to see the toy section"....."Buddy, I'm not letting you buy a toy if you don't come out".... on repeat for 15 minutes. Then, when their precious little sugarbug does finally come out, "Oh, what a good child you are.  You are just the best for obeying Mommy.  Let's go get you a toy!"

Pah-lease.  Huge eye roll!  One warning and then reach in there like a giant and pluck them out of their little hidey hole. You think you are looking so good in public by not disciplining your child forcefully, but you really look totally spineless.  Some days when it's about 10 minutes in and I can't take it anymore, I sneak up on the other side of the rack and peak in at the child.  I find that a stranger's face usually startles them out and they run to mommy.  Hey, I'm really being nice here because I've just helped out the Mom and scored the kid a toy for their "good" behavior.

Perhaps my favorite are the people who don't care that their child is crying.... and it's 10:45 p.m.  I'm 36 and I'm exhausted.  So is that child.  Go home.  There is nothing in Target that is more important than your child's needs.  Unless it's m&ms.... then by all means do carry on.  But make it quick.

Oh, and speaking of  late at night, when the lights in the store turn off because we've closed, that's a really inappropriate time to hurry to the fitting room and try some things on.  We want to go home.  Also, someone probably peed in there earlier and in the dark you won't be able to avoid the dark spot on the carpet.  Needless to say I won't warn you about it, because you kinda get what you get after 11 p.m.

Overall it's been an interesting ride.  Each day brings with it some surprises, some mundane moments, some embarrassment and some laughs.

I definitely will not be a lifer at good old Target.  I'm pretty sure I don't hate myself that much.  But while I'm there I'm gonna enjoy the ride!!