Foxy Park City Ladies - Hella Happy

Ladies and Gents,

This blog is struggling.  I believe it cries at night, just waiting and wishing and hoping that I'd have something to share on it's empty pages.  Waiting for the breath of life that my keyboard brings.

Sorry, Blog Dearest, but I've been working on other projects.  One of those projects is building a family.  It takes a lot of work.  Other projects just make me look bad, or instill a false sense of hope in those I tell about them.  So, for now, just know I wish I could visit you more and I miss you too.

In the spirit of taking a break I'm here to report on my annual Park City getaway with my gal pals.  I apologize, because I know for a fact that many of the funny things that happen on this trip won't make you giggle if you don't know my friends.  This post is, in fact, mostly for my friends and I to gobble up the juicy morsels of the weekend after the fact.

I don't know what happens to perfectly respectable mid-30s ladies upon being released in a hotel room for 48 hours, but we like to revert back to the days of our youth.  We stay up way too late, eat lots of junk, giggle and giggle and giggle, play card games, watch music videos on You Tube and just generally devolve.  The bad part about this is the fact that the older we get the harder it's getting to keep from wetting our pants.  Also, the worse our recovery time is getting.  I've been home for 4 days now and I still have a stomach ache.  And I still need a nap.

The weekend was successful.

This year I did actually take a few pictures.  Let us pause in honor of this historical moment.  Really, we can thank our smart phones for the fact that our time was documented for once.

Friday night we busted out of the house in the early afternoon.  I have to say that we love the irony of the fact that we ditched fathers just as babies were waking up from naps.  One husband had injured himself at work that day and as we helped his wife carry her bags to the car we were just smiling and nodding as he told us about it.  Finally he said, "You guys don't really care, do you?"  Ha ha.  Too true.  We left him nursing an achy ankle and high-fived as we laid rubber in the driveway.  'Cause we don't care!

After a bit of a housing fiasco involving many phone calls to the management company, the arrival of two roll away beds and me literally lifting a queen size bed across the room (Yes, Amber had her dainty little hand on the bed attempting to "help me", but she just looked pretty.  The real muscle got the job done) and quickly calling "not it" on sharing a room with Becky we were ready to hit the shops.

* Side note.  Becky now has a c-pap machine and insists her snoring has improved.  As she was relegated to the couch bed in the living room there are no witnesses to testify either way.

Serious shoppers went and did serious shopping.  Britnee, Alison and I did this:

Me, Brit & Al

Saturday we did the Extreme Zip Line at the Olympic Park.  Okay, those of us who wear big girl panties did it.  The rest of them sat in a field of grass and slept.  It was a two hour wait.  Everyone got sunburned.  But the ride was pretty fantastic.  I'll never do it again because of the wait.  Oh, and I appreciate the Park City employee who when Amber asked me if I had any tips for her when it was her turn inserted, "Try not to die!"  Loved the way he instilled confidence in our plummet!

Here is a pic of the four FABULOUSLY BRAVE WOMEN at the bottom of the hill before taking the chair lift up.  We started out above those ramp things and went past were we are standing in this pic.

Amber, Laurie, Me and Alison

I won't bore you with the specifics of the rest of the day.  But I will share with you some things we learned.

* If you tie a twist tie onto your steering wheel you can loop one finger through it in order to drive in a more relaxed manner.  Yes, that extra inch you may have to reach for the steering wheel may be too far.  And yes, she's never had an accident.

* Whales sound sad.

* Breast your cards at all times.  Canasta is a rough and tumble game.

* A certain person isn't going to dress up like a snow princess, despite our best efforts to convince her otherwise.

* You can keep pee in by crossing your legs really hard.  Most of the time!  But no sneezing!

* You can dance while keeping one hand on the table.

* A 44 oz coke and a unisom cancel each other out.  The coke makes you need to get up to go potty all night long, but the unisom makes you dizzy and you run into things... like the glass shower door.

* Roll away beds can be forced to fit almost anywhere.  And yes, there is a real danger of being folded in half.

* Sleeping with your head rammed against a wall makes it easy to hear the ladies chatting in the next room.

* What happens on the mountain stays on the mountain.

* You don't want to stand next to us in a 2 hour line.

* It's fun to all look out a window at a couple having a heated discussion in the parking lot and come up with what they are saying to each other.   As I was typing this I realized that sharing what we made up for their "chat" makes us sound like horribly disgusting people.  (In a clean and honorable way!) But it was funny.

* Half of us would be willing to try peeing in an adult diaper on a road trip.  Half of us refuse.

* We have some interesting taste in music.

*We all know how we became vampires.

I couldn't end this without sending a shout out of love and hope to sweet Tawna's family.  At 2:30 in the morning on Friday night she got a phone call saying her brother had been in an accident and was being life flighted to IMC in Murray.  Becky and Jolene were quick to drive her down to SLC at 2:30 in the a.m. and then come back up to Park City.

Yes, Tawna, we did have fun, but we also prayed for your family at each meal and talked about you all day.

As always, I'm so incredibly grateful for my girlfriends.  Love you all!!!!

To end, I just want to share perhaps the number one thing we learned this weekend:

What the fox says...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE

Soccer Schmoccer

So, it's been a while since I blogged.

Whatever.

Life is busy during the summer with all four kids at home.

Also... having all four kids home all day doesn't really provide me with a lot to laugh about, 'cause I'm usually crying.

I was scrolling through some pictures this afternoon and came across some from Joel's first ever soccer game.  I wasn't there, because {shocker} Jasec had another ear infection and was sick.

Whatever.... {sigh}.

These pictures made me giggle.  I thought I'd make up my own story of how Joel's first soccer game went.  If a picture is worth 1000 words....

I really need to preface this with a little story.  A few months ago I decided maybe Joel should have some social skills.  {Translation:  Please, please, please do ANYTHING but play computer/DS all day long!}

We had a conversation that went like this:

Me:  Joel, what sport would you like to play?
Joel:  What's a sport?
{Crum.... he's more messed up that I realized!}
Me:  It's a game you play with a ball.  Soccer, basketball, football.
Joel:  Why would I wanna do that?

So, when my friend invited Joel to sign up with her son for soccer this fall I decided that I'd better introduce him to sports.  'Cause I want him to have friends.  And I REALLY want him to move out someday and not create a man's gaming cave in my basement where he will have mustache growing competitions with his internet buddies.

Now, enjoy.....

It's 8:15 on a Saturday morning.  I can't quite bring myself to open the blinds yet, 'cause I should still be sleeping.  But Joel looks so handsome in his new uniform.  And so grown up.  He's gonna make me millions! "I like these clothes, Mom!"  I gently remind it's that it's called a uniform and you wear it when you play sports.  I'm not sure if he fully grasps the concept.

  

"Huh, so this is soccer.  I'm unimpressed.  Can someone please explain to me just exactly HOW this is more fun than Mario?"   

"Man, I have worked up some serious thirst sitting on that lawn.  Whew!"

"Seriously, am I the only one here who realizes we've been punked by our parents?"  

"Hey, I just noticed there are girls on our team!  Mom said I looked cute in my uniform.  Strike a pose...  'What's happenin' ladies!' "

"Oh, now I get it.  It's just a big game of follow the leader!  Someone should move that huge net, it's totally in the way!"

The Car Show

A few weeks back my family went to the Bountiful Coats for Kids Car Show.   The show is mainly comprised of old restored and hot rod type cars.  It's really fun to watch.  Hubs and I went with Jasec to watch the parade while my parents drove my brother Ben's truck and my three "older" kids rode along.  It was pretty cool.

Cadence and her parade wave from the back seat

The parade route goes along Main Street to about 400 South and then all the cars flip a "u" and parade back down to the beginning point.  A large oval.

Jasec LOVED it and kept saying "Cahs, Cahs, Cahs" (Cars) the entire time.

One particular car caught our eye.  It was somewhat unexpected and didn't fit in.  However, Hubs and I didn't think too much of it 'cause technically Ben's truck isn't a "classic" car and there aren't rules about that kind of thing.  I don't think there are anyhow.

But, regardless, we did chuckle as this sweet ride went by:

Technically this could be considered a classic,
as it's most assuredly from a "day gone by"....

We went on enjoying our eye candy until that little wagon passed us again.  This time the geriatric couple was gesturing wildly and looking around at all the people lining the street.

Hubs and I began to chuckle.  Could it be possible that this couple did not intend to parade down Main Street but had instead somehow slipped past the guard while out doing errands and ended up being featured in a car show?

Yes, indeed friends, that is EXACTLY what happened.  Because just a short ways from where Hubs and I were standing we saw this:

They got out of that parade and parked in the first open parking lot, all the while gesturing at each other.

He he he.

I'm sure it isn't as funny in the retelling, but while it was happening Hubs and I were busting up and wondering if we were the only one's who saw this little display of geriatric success.

After the parade we walked up and down Main Street where the cars had parked and you could see them up close.  Joely got to try out this sweet ride...

Just before going home we went to see the Burn Out.  This is where any of the hot rods that want to can compete to see who can lay the biggest strip of rubber and make the biggest smoke cloud.  It's pretty cool, and loud.

Some of us were unimpressed.

But, as Ms. Els reminds me often, she's "practically a pre-teen", so it'll be years before she finds anything interesting again.

All in all a lovely evening.

Hopefully next year we can see our geriatric champions again... with FLAMES painted on their wagon!

Blushing...

Welcome to the grand month of July!  This is the month of my birth, which makes me partial to it.  Also, I thoroughly enjoy celebrating 2 holidays AND my wedding anniversary.  It's a good month.

Last week I made the trek down to visit my sisters in St. George.  My mom came along with me.  I can't really say she was my navigator - because she is seriously challenged in this area (perhaps I could dedicate a blog posting to this some day!).  I would, however, cheerfully refer to her as my trip nanny.  She graciously handled all kid needs while I drove.  No wonder The Hubs always wants to be the driver on road trips.  The driver seat is a pretty cushy place to be!

The wise person would suggest trips to St. George be limited to the months of October through April.

I've never professed to be wise.

It got up to 112 degrees while we were walking around the temple grounds.  'Cause we're smart like that.  With any luck I lost 5 pounds of water weight while there.  I refuse to weigh myself and find out.

Most of the grand kids at the temple.

Anyhow, one night when us oldies managed to stay up past 9:30, my sister Em was kind enough to remind me of an embarrassing moment I had in the early days of my marriage.

I decided that maybe I should dedicate a few blog posts to the highlights of embarrassment in my life.  Emily and Mom were totally on board with that.  Even though most of my dear readers probably already know these stories, they are classic enough to get a chuckle on the retelling.

Today's Tale:

Tippy Chairs and Straight Faces.

At one point in my illustrious career I was the receptionist / sales processing/ shipping invoice person for an obviously small company.  My desk was at the front of the building, where visitors to the "store" would be greeted by me.  However, it was also up against a wall so that I could shove shipping invoices through the wall to the warehouse.

I took the liberty of drawing this super fabulous picture below to give you a bird's eye view and help you fully visualize the story.

Please take a moment to ooh and aah over this artistic rendering.  Don't worry, I know there's no money in selling kindergarten level artwork as an adult!

One day a coworker's husband came in to take her to lunch.  He came quietly in the front doors and walked up to the counter top on my right, where he proceeded to lean.

All the other employees worked behind the wall that I faced while working on my PC so after smiling at him, 'cause I am FRIENDLY, I called his wife over the sweet loud speaker system that I had total control over.  We waited a few minutes while the only sound was my computer keyboard.  She didn't appear.  I called again over the speakers.

Please keep in mind that he hadn't said a word to me yet.  I just recognized him from pictures she'd shown me.

I kept cheerfully clicking on my keyboard.  No coworker.

Finally I glanced at him and said, "Where could she be?  Is she coming yet?"

Then I made the fatal mistake that led to the blushing.  I rolled my chair backwards a bit and leaned back to try to see both over the counter top and past the wall.

The only thing I saw was the sight of my feet flying up over my head as my desk chair tipped completely over backwards.

OH, friends, we aren't done there.

As if that weren't bad enough, I had been leaning to my right at the same time, so I was shot off to the right and somehow miraculously fell under the counter top shelves.  I landed on the floor, facing the front side of the counter top, lying on my right side.

Still more, people....

Somehow my chair landed directly behind me in a way that had me trapped between my chair and the counter top facade.  Under a shelf.

I started laughing.

He didn't.

I tried to get out but I was kind of wedged.

He didn't come around to offer assistance.

I ended up kicking the chair donkey-style out of my way so that I could then scoot out from under the counter, still on my side, shuffling backwards like a little worm, before finally gaining freedom.

Still nary a chuckle, word or offer of help from the husband.

I laid there for a minute laughing hysterically and thinking he must have left by now or else I'd have heard some sound from him.

I stood up and was shocked to see him still standing there, no sign of his wife, him just staring at me.  I started blushing like crazy and kind of giggling.  I'm sure I said something about a "wild ride".

His response to all this?

He raised his eyebrow at me.

With disdain.

I was so humiliated.

While blushing and feeling a little shaky I had to wrestle my desk chair back up and I try to gracefully sit back down.  I then silently got back to work on my computer.

This is when coworker wifey finally showed up and they left for lunch.

I told her the story later and she thought it was strange that he didn't laugh or offer to help me.

I think he was a robot alien sent from another planet to destroy my pride.

Some Randomness

Friends,

Never fear.  I am indeed alive.

I regret that it's been so long since I've had a chance to blog, but I've been so busy trying out adulthood that I haven't had a chance to sit down and write.  Turns out being an adult is a major bummer, so here I am.

We've been pretty busy so far this summer.

First week of summer vacation I took off to Girl's Camp with my ward.  Yes, I work with the young women.  I, too, often question my suitability as a role model for youth, but we laugh a lot and hopefully they'll at least come away knowing that even though things can go down the crap shoot with crisco faster than you believe, there is always something worth smiling about.  I loved camp.  I think it may have saved my life.

The Leader's Posse at camp

Directly following camp, my sweet Cadie Lou broke her arm.

Surprise... she chose pink!

The next day Ms. Els had 4 teeth extracted.

Trying to keep a stiff upper lip

I'll let you guess who handled things better.  And I'll also let you guess which one said to me, "It's not MY fault I cry.  I just feel the emotion of the situation!"

This past Saturday morning The Hubs and I had a long financial discussion and decided to make an effort to get ourselves in better financial order.  This is hard for me... mostly 'cause I don't care about banks.  They're totally boring and dream-killers.  I just want to order books on Amazon and eat shakes from DQ and assume that there is money available for me to do those things.  I don't ask for much.

The Hubs believes my attitude may eventually lead us to a place of financial ruin wherein we find ourselves literally living in our van down by the river.

I say, "Don't sweat the small stuff.  My parents have a basketball court where we can park our van!"

He never laughs at these things.

We decided to be grownups.  (Incidentally, I just realized that the first syllable in the word grownups is "GROAN".....)  After talking about areas where we can skim some cream off the top and put that money to better use in paying off student loans...blah, blah, blah... we decided to trade in our van for a more "modest" model.

I say this just makes our future lifestyle as van dwellers slightly less comfy.  But I'm all for keeping my future bright.  So I agreed.

Plus my new van is blue.  Which is sweet.

Blue Steel

Now I find myself avoiding packing for a trip down to St. George to see my sisters.  Another GROAN-up activity is packing bags for children who are doing nothing but watching My Little Pony and eating DQ sundaes.  It's good to be my kid.

So, friends, now you're caught up on the happenings at our house.  You can see why I'm taking a break out to blog.  Or maybe you can't.  Maybe you realize it's nothing but a time waster....

Wait!  I have a sundae waiting in the freezer for me.

Later Gators!

The Rage Fest

Friends,

I have to honestly say that I'm not sure I can do this story justice on the pages of my blog.  I'm not sure my words can paint a vivid enough picture.  I think this is one of those stories where you need to see my hand gestures as I reenact the violence of the scene.  You need to hear my tone of voice as I describe my level of angst.

The other night I was telling my Mom this story while gesturing wildly during my reenacting.  And at the end of it we were laughing at the absurdity of it all.  I realized that I wasn't sure I'd shared this story with my friends.  I shot off a quick email to my DC ladies and it turns out that some of them do have a vague recollection of this occurrence.  But they wanted a refresher.  I promised to share it with them at our next monthly dinner.

However, after thinking about it, I decided that I want this story written down because despite the horror of what I'm about to share with you, I am pretty dang proud of myself.  I may be feisty and sassy, but that's usually where I draw the line.  I don't like real fights.  They make me edgy and I tend to just walk away.

But one day, in 9th grade, I didn't walk away.  No, friends, I faced the beast head-on.  And I lived to tell about it.

I don't really remember why I didn't like *Eric (obviously NOT his name!) before 9th grade.  I just remember that I didn't.  At all.  By some crazy twist of fate in my 9th grade year I ended up having 5 of the 7 classes with Eric.  I was devastated. To add insult to injury, we also lockered next to each other.  {SIGH!}

I also can't really give you a specific example of something Eric did to make me angry.  I just remember that I had come to deeply hate him.  I remember avoiding the locker when he'd be around because he'd kind of taunt me and pick at me.

One day, Eric pushed me too far.  We were both at our lockers getting out our books for science class - Mr. McClurg for you CJH alumni - and he'd been doing his taunting thing.

Now, I need you to understand that in 9th grade I think I'd finally attained my full height of 5 ft 4 in.  But my weight was significantly lower than it is now.  Like, TONS lower.  Eric was much larger than me.  In my mind's eye I remember him being one of the bigger guys in school.  I admit that may  not be the case.  But he seemed huge to me.

Anyhow, I had my science book in my hand and Eric bent down to a kind of squatting position to get something out of the bottom of his locker.  He'd said something that had me glaring at his back.  And I snapped.

I still distinctly remember lifting my science book above my head, holding it tightly in both hands, and swinging down with all my might until it connected with the back of his head.  As you can imagine, the force of that blow knocked him off balance and started him falling into his locker.  But I "helped" him along by kicking him in the - ahem - buttocks.

When Eric was fully head first into his locker - bum sticking in the air, feet still on the floor - I let go of my book with one hand, grabbed his locker door and began slamming it into his side.  Repeatedly.

As he began to scramble back out of the locker I kept slamming the door using my hand, but then I added my foot to the scuffle.  Hand on the top of the locker, foot down at the bottom of the locker.  Eventually he got out enough that my foot and hand were slamming the locker door right into the side of his head.

Repeatedly.

I was a raging lunatic.

He finally managed to get to a position where he was able to put a hand out and stop the beating.  Then he  looked me in the eye.

Friends, I saw death in that glance.

I immediately released the locker and began running as fast as my legs could carry me down the hall, hugging my science book to my chest, with my backpack slamming against my bum.

Eric roared to his feet and gave chase.  At one point I remember looking back and seeing him with his science book raised above his head, set on retribution.

This was between classes, so the hallways were full.  But students heard his raging from a ways away and parted to let us through.  However, I do have to wonder why no one tried to stop him from killing me.

Due to the speed with which we'd been flying through the hallways, we made it to science before pretty much anyone else, including the teacher.  Once in the classroom we began zig zagging around desks, playing cat and mouse.  I was the mouse.  I'd been the cat.  It was a cruel twist of fate.

I just remember him screaming at me, and his face was all red, carrying that book around like an instrument of torture.

Finally a couple guys who I was friends (ish) with came in and told Eric that you can't hit girls.  (About time, fellas!)  Eric said something about me attacking him first.  But they didn't really care.  They kept him away from me until the teacher came in and told us to take our seats.

The funny thing is that I don't remember anything after that.  Obviously the science class was of no consequence.  The only thing I remember about that class is losing my earring back one day.

I don't even remember how Eric and I went forward from that moment.  But I do know that he didn't give me guff any more.  And we kind of just avoided each other.

You know, maybe the reason I walk away from fights is because on that day, so long ago, I saw a shadow of the violent beast I could become if I let the rage free.  So, you're welcome world.  I'm really doing you a favor by keeping her sedated with chocolate.

However, don't push your luck!

Then & Now

I'm writing this post for completely selfish purposes.

See, I was attempting to write down some information the other day while on the phone and couldn't - for the life of me - find a pen with any ink or a pencil with a sharpened tip.  I thought to myself, "I USED to have plenty of pens and pencils neatly organized next to the phone.  That was then, and this is now..."

It got me thinking about how much my life has changed in the 9 1/2 years I've been a mother.  And in a spurt of bad attitude I started making a mental list of all the things that I miss from my pre-parenthood years.

There are a lot of things on that list.  I'm sorry, but it's true. 

It wasn't exactly making me bask in the joy of my calling as mother.

The "nows" kinda seem like a bummer when compared to the "thens" of life.  Lots of sacrifices, tears and prayers, and feeling in over my head as I try to raise 4 children.

But that's the crazy thing about being a parent.  You see those little faces, and well....

Then I had:

Plenty of computer paper

Pens and Markers with ink

Sharp, non-sticky scissors

Staples in the stapler

Now I have:

Reams of paper with one small picture drawn in  the middle

Dry pens and markers, broken pencils

Dull scissors with yogurt smears

Staplers stuck in my feet rather than in the stapler

And them

Then I had: 

Clean windows, mirrors and sliding doors

Toothpaste free sinks and counter tops

Plenty of toilet paper

Towels hung on their hooks

Now I have:

Finger prints, lick marks and crayon art on all my glass

Blue and red toothpaste drizzles 

Empty toilet paper rolls

Crumpled towels on the floor

And them

Then I had:

Salmon and steak dinners

Lindt truffles

Capitol Theatre

Olive Garden

Now I have:

Macaroni and cheese and hot dogs

Lindt truffles still... but eaten in the privacy of my locked bathroom!

Netflix and Redbox

McDonalds

And them

Then I had:

Mesquite and Las Vegas

New Orleans

Seattle

Jackson Hole

Moab, Moab, Moab...

Now I have:

The elementary school

Smoot and Founders Parks

Hogle Zoo

Dreams of Moab...

And a family.

So future Aspen, when the days are hard, the dishes are piling up, the garbage is stinking up the place and the phone won't stop ringing, read this post.  And bask in the "now".