The Trouble With Beer

I feel like now that I have children all the world's problems are being solved right before my eyes. If I ever wonder how something works, what punishment I should dole out, if something is a healthy food choice, what time it is or how to correctly operate a vehicle, all I have to do is ask my sweet 6-year old version of Google.

She's better than an iPhone. With Ms. Els around I don't even need to ask the question, she just offers up the answer before I even knew I needed it. I'm so lucky! I often wonder - and ask her - how on earth I made it for the 25 years of my life before she was born. I'll tell you what, it was a struggle and I sure would hate to go back to the emptiness of figuring things out for myself!

A few nights ago at dinner we treated the kidlins to a little root beer. Lucky ducks!

* I must insert her that Cadie Lu refers to it as "Root Beard" and it cracks me up to no end *

Anyhow, while we were partaking of this delightful beverage, our personal Google took it upon herself to explain the woe's of beer.

"You see, " she began in her professors voice "Beer is bad for you, unless it has the 'root' in it. If there's no 'root' then you can't drink it."

Cadie Lu, our Googlette in training, jumped in with "That's true. Heavenly Father wants us to obey Jesus." Okay, points for bringing the gospel in, but loss of points for it making zero sense.

"That's right Cadie. Beer is a bad food choice and will make your body sick" Ms Els summed up.

I'd like to thank Stewart Elem. for instructing my child on the dangers of 'rootless' beer. It saved me the trouble.

But we weren't done yet:

"Also, there are other drinks that have beer in them, but since it doesn't say it on the bottle, it's okay to drink it. Like Sprite probably has beer in it" Els continued.

Screeching halt. WHAT?

At this point Daddy made an absurd attempt to correct her thinking. Silly Daddy. He's so naive. He doesn't yet understand that arguing or correcting Madam Google is a pointless exercise in ramming your head against a brick wall.

I may have smiled a bit when I heard him try.

"Els, there isn't beer in Sprite." He said.

Els nodded emphatically. "Uh-huh Daddy. And probably in Coke too."

"No, sweetie, there isn't beer in either of those things."

And that's when Els whipped out the conversation ender that leaves no room for discussion.

"Whatever Daddy!"

So, now I'm wondering what to do here. Do I risk a lecture every time I enjoy a tasty Coke? Because I know that she's going to ask me if I'm getting drunk. Or do I avoid the argument all together by giving up my caffeine habit and sticking with water?

Either way, the risk is high that I'll be suffering and Ms. Google will once again reign supreme.