8 years and a lotta miles

Eight years ago on this very day I became a mother.  After several years of disappointments and worry Eliana Mae changed my world.  Her delivery wasn't easy.  There was coaxing, begging, setbacks, and finally she was forced out regardless of her desire.  I went into labor with her at my grandmother's 90th birthday party the night of the 13th.   Eliana was born at 10:30 p.m. on the 14th.   Stubborn little button!!

No one can tell you until you become a mother what that word truly means.  People try.  There are quotes everywhere about having your heart walking around outside your body.  And that's true.  But no words can express the depth of emotion you feel about that child. 

No one can explain to you the way you fall in love the minute you know of their existence.  No one can tell you that those first kicks are like your first conversation.  No one tells you how some days when you're resting your hand on your swollen stomach, that you honestly feel like you can communicate and express love for that child.   That by feeling their little bum, or elbow, or heel push into your hand it's like getting to know each other.  No one can tell you....

No one can prepare you for that drive home from the hospital.  How you are suddenly aware of all the "idiot drivers" around you who never existed until your baby was born.  No one can tell you why your house will suddenly feel too hot or too cold or too noisy.  How you'll start whispering and sneaking around when you used to feel no such need.

No one can tell you about the sleepless nights, the sudden terror of a sneeze or cough, the wondering, wondering, wondering.  Are they getting enough to eat, are they sleeping okay, are they warm enough, are they happy.... do they know that I LOVE THEM!!!??

You can not understand how their heartaches will become yours.  How their successes make you want to shout for joy.  How their struggles will keep you on your knees, pleading for answers on how to help them.  How your hopes and fears for their futures will occupy your thoughts.

No one can tell you, because you wouldn't believe them.  Until you become a mother you would think they were being melodramatic or sentimental. 

It's the most amazing ride you can ever hope for. 

And I'm so grateful that my little button girl, all 6 lbs and 4 oz of her, came screaming into my world and changed it for the better.

I love you Els. 

Happy Birthday!!