Epiphanies

I hate to admit it, folks, but I do have bad days. Today was one of them.

While I was doing dishes I was thinking to myself that I keep waiting for things to get better. And they don't. My floors keep needing to be mopped and swept. My dishes keep getting dirty. My kids keep fighting. My lawn keeps needing to be mowed. My car keeps needing gas and repairs. My bank account keeps emptying. Sickness comes again and again and again.

If we're honest - which I am - hoping that life will get easier as my family ages is an exercise in futility. I know that because I was a kid and I grew into a teenager. And I know my parents were wondering when that was going to end.. ha ha...

My kiddos may start sleeping through the night and spilling less food, but then there will be acne and hormones. There will be driving and teenage drama and dating. There will be extracurricular activities, college tuition, weddings to pay for. Then there will be in-laws. And I probably won't understand them. (I'm pretty sure that I'm a confusing anomaly to my in-laws about 99% of the time. But they try to love me anyway. I'm grateful that they keep trying. I hope I can do the same.)

So, really, waiting around for things to get better is kind of a bum deal. Because nothing is going to magically change in the circumstances of my life. I have no Fairy Godmother.

You know what I do have?

I have faith and hope and trust.

I have shining moments of perspective when I know that even though life will probably never be without phones calls and emails bearing difficult news, a house and family that need my constant attention and failed diets, it's a thrilling ride.

"I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing".

~ Agatha Christie

It's not about waiting for the sun to break through the clouds. It's about taking the rainy days and learning to love them. Instead of sunny beaches and lazy days in the hammock, it's about growing to love cozy days wrapped in a blanket.

Life isn't supposed to be perfect.

We're supposed to come out of it with smile lines around our eyes AND with frown lines around our mouths. We're supposed to have gray hairs for the hard times AND the wisdom it represents. Our hands should be gnarled from years of hard work and worrying AND soft from years of holding little ones close and gentle caresses.

You can never learn anything worth learning if you never struggle.

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but

the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are".

~Arthur Golden

And someday, when these years are behind me, I have faith that I will look back with wonder at what I went through and survived. I have hope that I will be able to see the growth and the wisdom that came through the trials. And I have trust that I will have my family and our shared memories, our stronger bonds and our deeper love.

And I'm sure, that someday, I'll even have gratitude for lessons learned.

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere".

~ Frank A. Clark

For now I will look forward to many more sunrises and their promise of a fresh new day. A day where I can make the choice not to wallow and worry, but to laugh and cuddle and LIVE.

The choice to enjoy the journey, the bumps in the road and the detours, so that when that smooth stretch comes I can cruise along it with my arms out to my side and my face lifted to the sun...

Knowing that I earned every last mile.