Driver Beware

Today whilst running errands, Joely and I were deeply engaged in a discussion on stoplights and their purpose when we began to approach one.  Joel was quietly pondering the redness of the light when suddenly my eye was caught by the car in front of me.  It was a small white car with an apparent leprechaun and stuffed animal infestation.  In fact, I can't 100% guarantee that it wasn't a stuffed animal behind the wheel.

Not her car.... this person is an amateur 

From the windows hung every shape and size of shamrock.  Some were dangling from the roof (interior) of the car.  The back window, dash and seats had passengers of the stuffed variety.  Each was enjoying their personal celebration of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day.

My first thought, after "Wh--?", was "I don't trust that woman."

Now, I don't mean that I think she was shady with shifty eyes and a general hunched over persona.  I mean that I'm pretty darn sure she will be getting in an accident before reaching her destination (Oz) and I didn't want to be the person exploring that little surprise at the end of the rainbow.

So, I made a quick right and continued on a slightly altered path.

As I drove I analyzed why I would just automatically not trust a driver with a car full of party.  And I've reached a conclusion.

She is an alien life form.

No self respecting person from planet earth decorates their car like that.  Sure, some fun loving people have bobble heads or Hawaiian ladies shaking their hips in their cars.  But even those little breaches of logic are contained to one small representation on the dash board.

Anyone whose car is vomiting up beanie babies is clearly trying to use some sort of cloaking device to keep us average humans focused away from their origins.

They do not live on the same planet as the rest of us.

Also, humans are naturally social creatures.  We typically avoid stuffing our cars full of fake friends in order to have room for the real live friends we cart around with us.

Aliens are anti-social.  I'm sure of it.  They want to surround themselves with weaker creatures, and who is weaker than a stuffed animal who never talks back and has a permanent smile on?  See... see.....!!!!!

Sure, she may have flown a highly developed super galactic space machine to arrive here.  But that doesn't mean she can handle a car and obey traffic laws.  Sure, she may have dodged a meteor or two on the way into our atmosphere, but that doesn't mean she can dodge a flying stuffed snow leopard when the light suddenly turns red.

Really, for my safety - and yours - I would recommend steering clear of that amount of trouble on wheels.

 On the flip side... if she is human and the just feels a sense of spunk and frivolity by decorating her car that way, well,  then thoughts of Easter make me shudder, knowing she will probably have swinging eggs and little bunnies floating in the car, blocking her ability to focus on the road.  Don't even get me started on the horrors of the traditional stuffed animals given as gifts all around America.

Super cute for babies.... not for cars!

She's gonna need a Suburban.