The Funeral - Pictures

A few days before Ben's funeral my darling cousin, Stephanie Moore, who is an amazing photographer, emailed me to ask if she could perform the wonderful service of photographing the funeral and viewing.  We were so relieved to have her ask.  We knew that one day we would want pictures, but we also knew that we wanted to be fully engaged and involved in the funeral and not see it through our cameras... or worse, forget to take the time to snap some shots.

Thanks again, Steph!  You definitely took a load off our shoulders.

This past week her CD of photos arrived in the mail.  There were 575 pictures.  She got pictures of the private gatherings at my parent's house as family arrived, of the viewing, funeral and luncheon and the graveside.

It was bittersweet, for sure, to sit and look through all those pictures.  It's hard to explain how that day felt.  Looking back it almost feels like a dream in that some details are fuzzy and some are crystal clear.

Looking over the pictures brought to the surface some of the emotions that I was blessed to not feel that day.  That day was peaceful and serene.  It wasn't a day for crying, but a day for honoring and celebrating the life of someone we deeply love.

But now, almost a month later, I felt the emotions you would think I'd have felt that day and the days leading up to it.

Sorrow and heartache.  As time marches on I begin to feel the ache of missing him.

However, I was again reminded of the incredible sense of love and unity that we felt as friends and family gathered.

I wanted to share with you six of my favorite pictures that I feel like really represent that special day.  I'm sure they aren't the six that the rest of my family would pick... because each of us felt something or noticed something different I'm sure, but I love each of them for a specific reason.

I hope they will touch you as they do me.

** Click on any of them to view a larger image **

Number one:  This picture is of 8 of Ben's pallbearers.  His buddies.  4 were cousins (Trenton, Kedrick, Dave & Layne).  3 were life long friends (Will, Bryan, Wade) and one was a "newer" friend who quickly became a one of his closest (Dan).  One of my favorite tasks involved with planning the funeral was calling  them and asking them to be a pallbearer.  Without fail they all expressed how honored they were by that.  These were men who had a great impact on Ben, who stood by him through many ups and downs and who loved him.  They felt (and feel) his loss as much as any buddy would.

Number two:  The remaining 8 pallbearers had the honor of carrying Ben's casket from hearse to graveside. These men were family.  The Hubs (Steven), My dad (Rand), brothers-in-law (Dane, Marty, Dave, Ken), fathers-in-law, (Dane and Short-T).  It was snowy and quiet.  Ben's beautiful resting place is under some big, old trees.  Sara's friend played the bagpipe, Amazing Grace.  Again, men Ben loved and who miss him greatly.  Honorary pallbearers were Sara's little 10 year-old brother Nicholas, and my two sweet boys, Joel and Jasec.  Too little to carry the casket... but big enough to love Ben!

Number three :  This picture is of my parents walking out after the funeral to head up to the graveside.  The truck and jeep are Ben's.  He LOVED these two beasts.  Dad drove them to head up the jeep procession.

Number four:  The Jeep Procession.  We sent word out to all his family and friends who would be attending the funeral and had jeeps, to drive them.  It was so fun to watch the procession roll into the cemetery and to hear (and feel) the vibrations of loud engines as they hummed along.  Some were even driven without tops on, braving the 30 degree temperatures to honor a fellow jeeper.  Here are some of them parked at the cemetery.

Number five:  My family with Ben's casket.  I learned during this process that casket is from the French word for jewelry box.  Something small and often ornate used for holding valuables.   I find that appropriate. (Jasec was with his Grammy... a wise, wise decision that made this day less stressful for me.)

And finally, number six:  Family.  After the luncheon my mom's side of the family {The Campbells} gathered in the church Relief Society room and were just visiting and talking.  My cute photographer cousin got us all to take a quick group shot.  Out of the possible 20 grandchildren (21 with Ben), 15 were in attendance.  I have said many times how much it meant to me to have so much support.  Out of those 15 in attendance only ONE lives in the state of Utah.  Yep.  Amazing that they came.

We had an equally impressive turn-out from the Ridges side, but didn't get a photo with that group.

For me, though, this picture isn't so much about which side of the family it is, as the fact that it simply represents family and the beautiful support offered regardless of time and expense.

I must say, amazing, once more.

As we move forward and work through the loss, I am so grateful for these pictures.  Pictures I can show my children as we talk about Ben and how loved he is.