Aging

I just got off the phone with my mom.  I must insert here that I dearly love the woman.  And I did tell her while we were talking that I was pretty much composing a blog post in my head with every word she said.  Ha ha.

The conversation - like so many - started off covering a topic we have already covered.

Mom:  Are you planning to spend New Year's Eve with us?

Me:  Uh, pretty sure we spoke about that already.

Mom:  Are you sure?

Me:  Yes.  Remember.  Steve has to work that day and you said something about the kids spending the night?

Mom:  Huh.  Well, that is starting to sound familiar.

Me:  Would this be a good time to tell you that yesterday when you called and were going over your "holiday schedule" with me that you left out the party at my house on Christmas Eve.  I didn't correct you because I didn't have the strength.

Mom:  {Laughs}  Come on, you're stronger than that!  Why didn't you correct me?

Me:  'Cuz I had already reminded you when you called to ask what kind of drinks people want, and then again when you asked about fruit, and then again when you said you couldn't play that song we all wanted to sing along to.  Last night I was just out of courage and couldn't take it on again.

Mom:  So I have short term memory problems.

Me: If I asked my friends I wonder how many of them would say that they have the same conversation with their parents repeatedly?  Dad remembered about Christmas Eve.  He texted me today to see what people wanted to drink.

Mom:  Ya, because I was standing next to him at the store and asked him to find out.  At least I'm not as bad as my friend.  She was telling us at yoga that the other day she got all dressed for church and couldn't figure out why her dress felt wrong.  Turns out after some investigating she was wearing her bra backwards.

Me:  {Laughing .... so.... hard}.  How is that even possible?

Mom:  {Laughing too} I know, wouldn't you notice those strange lumps on your back?

Me:  I'm thinking I'd be more aware of the sudden lack of lumps on my front, along with the terribly uncomfortable squeezing sensation.

Mom:  I mean, one time I wore my pants inside out, but when she told me her story I said to her "you win!"

Me:  {Graciously overlooking the comment about my mom wearing her pants inside out}  Ya, she wins.  I can't even imagine how that happens.

Mom:  Well, yesterday when I was at the store buying my new phone the kid working there told me that he was cutting something and accidentally cut his hand a little bit.  So I told him that was nothing.  One time I was putting up a bulletin board at school and opened up the stapler to staple up the border.  Only when I went to hit it with the palm of my hand I had it backwards and it put the staple into my hand.  I was younger then and still cared what people thought.  I was so embarrassed.

Me:  Oh my gosh.  Just, oh my gosh, Mom

Then the kitchen timer started ringing at my house and I honestly couldn't remember what it was for.

Me:  My timer is ringing and I don't know why.  Is someone in time out?  No.  Is the dryer finished?  No. . . . Wait!  It's the rolls in the oven.  They're done!

Mom:  I sure hope when you compose your blog you add that little tidbit!

Me:  In my defense I baked like 400 million things today.

Mom:  Speaking of baking.... what are you doing New Year's Eve? . . . .

Sister Messages

One of my most favorite things about modern technology is the ability it gives us to stay in touch with loved ones in such an easy manner.  When I was growing up my mom's family was all out of state.  I remember timing phone calls (it cost 10 cents a minute after all) and writing a lot of letters as I became a teenager.  But our interactions were definitely not on a daily basis.

That is not the case with my sisters and I.  In fact, if anything, we are probably overly involved in each other's lives.

Take this interaction from this week via text:

Anonymous sister:  Vent, vent, vent about something stupid husband is doing lately that makes me want to die his hair blue in his sleep.

Sister reply:  Want I should _______

Actually, I just remembered that I have some really sweet, tender, loving souls who read my blog and I wouldn't want to actually admit that that conversational gem happened.

Let's move on.

Today I had a typical, sister conversation with my middle sister, Camille.

It started with me sending this picture to my sisters via text with the caption:

"Oh.  My.  Dang"  (edited because one sister - SARA - claimed my text was PG13 and I don't want to offend those tender readers)

Camille replied:  Uh.... that' snot nice to rub that in my face without sharing!  I expect you to overnight some pronto.

Me:  No.

Camille:  You're kind of a rude butt jerk.  (Oops... sorry tender readers!)

Me:  Yep.  I own it.

And then I sent her this picture with the caption:  "Thinking of You!"

Camille:  Lol.... I hate you now.

Me:  I think you meant to say "Respect!"

Camille:  Oh, yeah.  Darn auto correct.  I hate you greatly.  Oh, oops, there it goes again.  I obviously meant "respect" again.  I was, after all, taught to respect my elders.

Me: You are such a Chinook Mistress (don't even try to follow that one!)

Camille:  Word.

****  

Aside from exchanging insults and taunting each other, I love that we also send random pictures throughout the day of new things we've cooked, home decor we are thinking about, our kids looking cute or funny, how the set up turned out for a church function, and just random thoughts.  

It makes my days brighter knowing that even though my sisters are miles and miles away from me, we are all connected by the common bond of family, motherhood, and general attempts to survive life.

So, yes, Camille may resent my taunting her with chocolate.

But in the end, we're sisters.... so she'll forgive me.  It's what we do.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!!

Click on the picture to make it larger

It's hard to believe that Christmas is next week!!  We've had quite the year as a family. Many ups and downs, but through it all we've had each other, and that's worth celebrating.

Like my Dad said to me on Sunday, "I have everything I really need in this world. That makes me a rich man."

By that definition, I believe we can count our family among the richest on earth.

Freeze Frame

A day or so ago I had a realization of epic proportions.....

If I could freeze my children in time 

right now, I would.

We have reached a state of independence that is just precious to me.  Ms. Els is 11 now, as of last week, and she has started babysitting for us for an hour here and there.  Finally, freedom to run and grab a gallon of milk or snag a library book without taking my entire entourage with me.

At an IMAX field trip with Ms. Els

On the other end of things, JB is turning three next month!  He is potty training and doing just splendidly.  I've been done with daytime diapers for a little over a week now.  He can play happily while I shower, fold clothing, do dishes etc.  He helps out with little chores he can manage.  He sleeps anywhere and is easy to travel with.  He is good at the store, he can climb into his own car seat, he will even go visiting teaching with me and not be a total horror story.

JB putting away the clean silverware

For the most part people are now in charge of their own hygiene, bed making, and homework.  Sure, I am around to assist where needed, but these things are no longer my primary responsibility.  We have an effective and consistent chore chart, allowance is being paid and piano lessons are being taught.

Cadie lounging in the leaf pile

Three of the four children are in school all day, and while I don't seem to be any less busy, I am more free to schedule my "mom's chores" into the day in a way that works best for me.  I am no longer slave to the clock of  feedings, diaper changes and naps.  In fact, naps no longer break up my day at all.  Yes, some days I miss it, but more often than not I truly appreciate the freedom to be wherever, whenever.

The kids are witty, inventive, imaginative and still giggle all the time.  Yes, the poop and fart jokes are getting tired, but their little minds are growing and developing and they are becoming so much more interesting to spend time with.

J Bear showing off his "big" eyes

It's a sweet life!

I spent many years dreaming about getting to this point.  So many times I thought to myself, "I can't wait until they're a little older and we can go do ____ or _____ and it will be so great!"  Well, friends, I'm here.

And it terrifies me.  Because right now my biggest problem is getting the science fair project completed on time, or reprimanding some sass here and there.  Their world is still blissfully innocent of big problems.  We haven't been tempted by the smut of the world in our home, yet.

I feel it hovering ahead of me as I buy one size bigger shoes every month, or watch Ms. Els look at the cosmetic section with a wishful eye.

This phase, like all the others, is going to be too short.  The years are going to speed by in a way that will astound me.  I know this, because I am currently astounded by the speed that I went from new mom, to this place, here and now.

Sometimes - and I never thought I'd say this - I really do miss the days when I had my three little babies with me at home all day.  {JB wasn't born at that point, sorry, Bubba}.  The days were full of crying, pouting, messes, whining, fights, naps, bottles, potty training etc.  But when I look back I am grateful for those days that were easier in so many ways.  No school demands, no music/sports/electronics to contend with, no friend fights and nothing I couldn't handle.  They were labor intensive, but emotionally rewarding.

Now I look ahead and wonder how I'll get through what's coming.  What will the world tempt my babies with as they venture forward?  Drugs, alcohol, pornography.  Will one of them be bullied? Will there be accidents, health scares, and failures that I can't prevent?

I don't know.  I am sure that there will be happy times, of this there is no doubt.  However, I also know that there will be bigger problems and harder times as they grow and go through their own trials.... as we all must.

This past week as I've looked around me I've felt so aware of the gift of these years.  Years where my kids are still innocent, but independent.  Sassy, but loving.  Years where mom's voice is still louder than the world's voice.

Yes, if I could freeze time.....  

I'd keep them this way forever!

Thoughts on Target

It's late and I tend to get a little over the top when it's nearing the midnight hour, but I wanted to get a few thoughts down, and I did promise to do a blog about my lessons learned from my brief three month stint at Target.  So here goes.

Once again, as with all things, no particular order.  Just my rambling thoughts.

(1)  My life is so incredibly blessed!   I think God took this job as a chance to slap me upside the head and remind me of my choice, sweet, lovely existence.  So many of the people working at Target are living - no, scraping by - on their income of $8 per hour.  They are asking for more shifts, they are eating 89 cent bags of potato chips for dinner, they are skateboarding to work or bumming rides off of coworkers.  One girl I worked with really wants to get married, but they can't live off their incomes.  So she got a second job to supplement.

It was a wonderful reminder to me that my life is blessed.  I was working by choice, not necessity. I have a lovely home, plentiful food, my own car and a supportive spouse.  Some days I actually felt guilty taking hours from girls who desperately needed them to pay bills, buy food, and hopefully get engaged.

(2) Work, any work, is honorable.  It doesn't matter if you're running a huge corporation, or gathering carts off the Target parking lot.  Work is an eternal principle and it is good for us to work.  So many times when I first started I was almost embarrassed when I'd see friends come in who I hadn't seen in a while.  Like, "Ya, I'm folding shirts at Target".  I even had a few people say something to me along those lines.  As though I was too good to be folding shirts.  I fold shirts at home all the time and somehow it's more acceptable to do it there than in a retail store.

I think everyone should work retail for a while.  I had NO IDEA how physically, mentally and emotionally challenging it is.  There are impossible amounts of work to do for little pay.  However, at the end of the day you go home feeling like you earned every single cent of your pay check.

Everyone who is working in the world deserves our respect.

(3)  Along those lines....Everyone {except puppy kickers and chocolate haters} deserves our respect.  This job  was a great time for me to learn to talk to anyone.  Yes, all of you who know me think of me as outgoing and social.  But what you don't know is that I spent the first 18 years of my life being painfully shy.  I would be myself with close family and friends, but even with extended family I was quiet.  I find that I fall back into that quiet place when I'm out with strangers.  I don't go out of my way to say hello, and yes, I avoid people who are different than me.

I couldn't do that in retail.  Instead I had to learn to say hi to everyone, regardless of how they dressed, looked, smelled, spoke, or treated me.  And every single one of those people deserved to have a kind word, share a smile, and to leave feeling happy about the way I interacted with them.

I frequently found myself pondering on the many lessons of Christlike charity I have learned over the years.  I often found myself thinking that this was my chance to exercise some of those principles and break down my personal barriers.  I'm grateful for that chance.

(4)  Moms gotta stop hating on each other.  When I first started working at Target I had several friends and acquaintances who would see me there and say some variation of the same thing, "You're working?  I don't know how you can stand to leave your kids, I could never do it!  You're missing out on so much!"

So many times I wanted to reply, "You know what?  I just woke up one day and realized I hated them and wanted to leave, so here I am."

It's ludicrous to think that my getting a job suddenly means I am not being a good mom.  Especially when that was already something that I was worrying about.  Even though I know these women were reacting more in shock than meaning to be hurtful - they have always known me as a SAHM and were surprised to see me working - it was still totally unproductive.  It really made me think back over the years to things I may have said without thinking to moms who were working.

If you are one of those moms, I am so, so, terribly sorry for my ignorance.

Even though my reasons for finding work were all good, even though I prayed and pondered and took all the right steps, I still felt judged.  I felt guilty.  I felt embarrassed.

This is so wrong on so many levels.  We are all mothers doing our best.  We need to be kinder to each other.

On the flip side, a new girl at work heard I was leaving to go back home with my kids and gave me a bit of a tongue lashing over it.  "I can't believe you're doing that.  I would NEVER stay home!  I have a three year-old and I work two jobs just so I won't get bored. I am seriously disappointed that you're making that choice!"

Wow!  Excuse me, but what was your name again, New Girl?  I had probably spoken to this girl for a total of five minutes and here she was jumping down my throat.

At first I was really annoyed by her attitude.  She doesn't know me, my life, my situation or anything about me.  I was tempted to judge her back, thinking how sad it was that she is giving up her daughter's childhood in order to avoid boredom.  But wouldn't that be judging her the same way she was judging me?

In the end, we need to live and let live.  I am happy at home.  Others are happy working.  Some want to be home and can't, some want to work but can't afford day care.  Some wanted 10 kids and only got 2.  Some wanted 2 kids but ended up with 5.

I don't think anyone gets exactly what they want in life.  So wouldn't it just be best to put our arms around each other and say, "What can I do to help your journey be easier?"

I never would have guessed that three months at Target would have given me so many lessons.  Sure, I can fold a mean shirt these says, but more importantly I am learning to be more grateful, less judgmental and more loving to those around me.

So thank you Target.  I guess I earned more there than I thought!

The Rat

This past Saturday I was innocently cleaning the family room when I saw something brown, fuzzy and large hop and skip through my yard and through the neighbor's fence.

Me: Uh, Hubs, what was that?

Hubs:  What was what?

M: That big thing that just ran through our yard.

H:  I'm not facing a window, I have no idea.

M: {Giving him a look!  Now is NOT the time for his practicality to rear it's ugly head!}  I'm pretty sure a prairie dog just ran through our yard.  Or possibly a gopher.  But I'm not sure we have prairie dogs in Centerville.

H:  {Giving ME a look, because indeed we do not have a prairie dog situation in Centerville}.  Where was it?

M:  It ran from our yard to the neighbor's.

We walked to the double doors overlooking our back yard just in time to see the little R.O.U.S. return and hop, skip, and bounce under our deck.  EEEEK!  My babies play out there!

M:  That, That, That!  What WAS that?

My shrieking brought the children running and we all gathered in silence around the doors in time to watch it hop back across the yard and through the fence.  This time I notice, GULP, the TAIL!  Oh my heck, I'm dry heaving a little bit just thinking about it.

Not the actual rat, but accurate enough!!

Hubs:  That's a rat.

M:  No, that's impossible.

H:  No, really, it's a rat.

M: I refuse to agree with you because that would mean there is a rat building a little winter headquarters under my deck.  And my babies play out there.

Cadie:  Can we name him Fluffy?

Joel:  What about Ratty?

 Cadie:  Or Hoppy.  See how he hops around?

{At this point the rat has made several trips back and forth.  It appears to be gathering produce from the neighbor's yard.  I've always said gardening is evil!!}

Me:  We are NOT naming it.  We are getting rid of it!

C:  But it's cute.

Me:  No, it's dead.

I decide the neighbor must be informed of this development so I go next door and chat with him.  He is very pleasant - as always, 'cause he's a very pleasant person - and says they've had rats in the past because the previous owners had a dog and left dog food out.

Dogs are evil too!  Okay, they aren't.  But their food is evil!


He mentions that they've always laid traps and it's taken care of it.  He'll put out traps on his side of the fence.

Me:  So... when we are talking traps, what exactly are we talking about here?

Neighbor:  Basically a giant mouse trap that snaps down on them.

M:  So... this isn't like a catch and release and call animal control type situation?

N:  No.  It'll be dead.

M:  Um.... so.... what if it dies when I'm home alone?

N:  Just pick it up with a shovel and throw it in the trash can.  {He says this all nonchalantly as though he actually thinks there is a remote possibility I will be disposing of its carcass.  Once, my kids found a dead bird in my yard and I full on called my home teacher to get rid of it!}

M:  See, there are lots of good reasons to get married, and high on that list is rodent handling.  Also, investigating strange noises in the middle of the night.  But, definitely rodent handling is on that list.  So, I'm not going to be the one to get rid of it.

N:  {Laughs}

I can see he isn't going to volunteer to take care of it if Hubs is gone.  That's fine.  While I can't blame him, I can pray that the rat dies on his side of the yard... right!!

Anyhow, so the next day is Sunday and no rat traps were purchased.

Monday rolls around and Mr. Fatbottom {the rat} has again resumed hopping gleefully around the yard.  Part of me feels a little bad as I watch him frolic because it's clear he thinks he's found a superb place to winter in.  I've watched Charlotte's Web and I don't want to be the murderer of Templeton.  But the rat has to go.

So I text my Dad who is pretty practiced in waging war on nuisance animals:

"So.... a big yucky rat has moved in under my deck.  This is super no bueno!"

Dad replies:  "Oh, snap.  I hate rats!"

Me:  "I know!  I'm actually kind of afraid to go outside now.  We need to lay traps, but what if it kills it on my watch!  Or, what if I go to lay traps and our eyes meet and it's all creepy!!"

Dad:  "I just pulled a dead woodpecker out of my wood-stove chimney pipe.  So I'm sure you can find the courage to deal with a rat."

{Sigh}.  Dad!  Really!  My response to that was, "Uh... what kind of Dad tells his baby girl to deal with a rat herself?  Rude!"

Dad:  "Maybe it's time to get a cat."  {Hardy, Har, Har Dad.  You KNOW I'm deathly allergic to them.  Cats are just evil!}

Me:  "That idea is just... the worst!"

Dad:  "I tried to poison a squirrel last year with rat poison, but it just pushed it back out from under my shed into the yard.  Maybe it will work on an actual rat."

Yes, please, pause and giggle like I did.  I love it.  Ha ha ha.

Clearly I abandoned the idea of being rescued by my dear father.

So, yesterday JB and I walked down to Ace - yes, walked - and bought two big rat traps and a box of poison.  On our way back we were trying to cross the street when two cars crashed into each other like ten feet away from us.

JB: That was scary!

True.  It was.  And darn it all, I was obviously a witness.

So we stood around for a few minutes to make sure everyone was okay.  Luckily there were a few other witnesses so we left.  I didn't have time for community service, I had a rat to poison.

Last night Hubs took over the rodent issue by laying traps and putting poison under the deck.  I haven't seen the rat today.  Although I am obsessively checking the traps to see if anything has sprung.  Oh, man, it's like the worst to spend your day waiting for the death of that thing.

Yesterday Dad totally redeemed himself by picking JB up from a babysitter when I was running late and bringing him home for me.  {But, he still won't change diapers so he's kind of like 50% redeemed}.

During our text discussion about him picking up JB he asked how he should go about getting into my house.  I suggested he crawl through the rat's tunnel.  His reply:  "While we wait for you we will be feeding the rat cheese and diet coke."  Touche Old Man, Touche!!

While we were visiting before Dad went home he finally agreed that if the rat is killed while Hubs is at work that I can call him and he will dispose of it.

Now, let's pray there's no blood involved or that I don't see the spasms that are sure to happen when it's life is snuffed out.  I just don't think there is enough chocolate in the world to help me recover from that!

A Change

Boy, what a difference a month makes.  My last post had a very different theme than this one will have.  Read on....

So, I gave my notice at Target last night.  Some time during the week of November 10th will be my last day.  

This wasn't a spur of the moment decision.  It has become more apparent recently that the "honeymoon" phase of me working had ended and it was more stress than it was worth to my family.  

There are several reasons I decided to be done.  In no particular order:

1 - Half the reason I went with Target was to get out and be social.  This isn't happening much because I'm working alone almost every time I work.  So, yes, I socialize with the customers and other employees who wander into my area, but I can't say it's been as much as I'd like.  I can get the same interaction by getting together with my friends when I can.  

2 - Money.  $8 an hour is just sad :)  I work 20 hours a week but only see like $500 a month.  Yes, I'm giving you the intimate details.  That's very frustrating to me.  I can eat that much chocolate a month, so there's really not benefit to my pocketbook!!  

3 - Family/Steve's job.  Steve initially thought he could leave work earlier on the nights I worked, but this hasn't panned out.  Last night was the last straw, for both of us, as he got stuck at a work conference and didn't make it home until 6:15.  I had gone to work at 3:45.  My kids were alone for 2.5 hours and that was not good for anyone.  Steve's phone was dead so he couldn't call to tell anyone he was running late, or ask someone to go sit with the kids.  And I had no idea until 6:00 that he still wasn't home.  It was like a gut punch when I found out!!!  This is just not good parenting and was not a good situation.  

                           Steve, as our breadwinner, needs to have the freedom to work when he is needed.  In addition to that, he has several work trips coming up, which would require me to ask for work off at Target.  That's just more pain that it's worth.  My kids and Steve's job come first.  

4 - Vacations/Holidays.  Next month we have a big week long Thanksgiving trip.  Next year we already have two family reunions (Hadley & Ridges) and my niece Claire's baptism to plan for.   Not to mention birthdays and other occasions that I've already missed and could continue to miss.  I was feeling very worried about how to get those times off to be with family.  Holidays are important to both families and to retail.  I'm not willing to trade my family time for a poor paying, stressful retail job :)

I think that's it.  I mean, I could have just been like, "Ya, I don't want to work at Target anymore" and quit for that reason alone. However, I started something and would have continued through the school year if it hadn't been affecting my family life so much.  In the end, I've always wanted to be a wife and mom and those jobs will take precedence over anything else I can do.

So, what's next?  Well, during this time of pondering what to do about my job, my sister Camille {better known as Smee} mentioned that the transcription company she works for is hiring.  Having done transcription from home in the past I'd be a good candidate.  

After much consideration I feel like trading over to transcription would be a better financial choice for my family.  I can work a bit fewer hours a week than I did at Target but bring home double the pay.  Steve pointed out the other day that he isn't sure he'll be able to wait another 3 years for a new car.  The Cowboy is on his last round-up.  Ha ha.  Paying off debt is the motivator for me working, and I can do it twice as quickly with transcription.  

I have applied with Camille's company as of last night.

So, yes, my Target career was like a shooting star.  Bright, shiny, and short-lived.  

I did learn a lot of things from Target though.  I don't really have the time to share them here this morning - maybe another post later - but it may surprise you to know that they were divine and made a difference in how I view my life, people around me, and my blessings.  For that reason I know that my time there made a difference to me and served a purpose.

Now.... I just have to do ALL my holiday shopping in the next two weeks before my employee discount goes away.