Toilet Warfare

It has recently come to my attention that my daughters have been running a pretty shady operation right under my nose.

In essence The Hubs and I are being held hostage by a terrorist group comprised of the under 6 set who sport princesses on their panties and chant the war cry “I need to go potty!”

My first inkling of their little organized operation came a few weeks ago during dinner. Almost without fail each time we sit down to a meal Cadie Lu (the brawns of the operation) suddenly realizes that she’s got to go BAD! And, she does. I think it’s because she was finally forced to stop playing and realizes that her pea-sized bladder is packing around a 2 liter. So, inevitably, we pray and then she jumps up to pee.

Well, the other night we prayed and she looked at her plate. She announced that she didn’t like what I’d made (HUGE shocker!) and kind of played around with her food. Then a few minutes later she said, “I’ve got to go potty.” I sighed and waved her off to the bathroom. Then, I heard a strange noise. It sounded like pee hitting the pot, but something was off. So, I walked over to the bathroom and saw her just sitting on the closed toilet lid, playing with a bath toy and distractedly making a hissing noise with her mouth.

Back at the dinner table, under intense parental interrogation, the girls caved and admitted that sometimes they fake having to go potty to get out of things. Then they go into the bathroom and make that noise with their mouth. They even flush the toilet and run the water to keep me from knowing. Too bad for them that they didn’t count on Cadie finding a bath toy to play with on the toilet rather than concentrating enough on making the proper “pee” noise.

Busted!

I thought we’d seen the last of their fake potty stops. But, then came Disneyland. One of our sweet little tricksters, Cadie Lu, was a bit overwhelmed by some of the rides – being only 4 and all – and eventually we came to a ride that she really didn’t want to try. The adults begged, pleaded and coaxed until she finally agreed to go on the ride. The line was long and near the end she suddenly announced that she had to go potty. After a few rolled eyes and frustrated sighs, Aunt Cindee said she’d take her potty – thus missing the ride.

She marched Cadie back out of the line and to the closest potty. And not one little tiny drop of pee came out. When they met back up with Steve, Cadie Lu admitted that she hadn’t needed to use the potty; she just didn’t want to go on that ride.

How subversive and stealthy of her, playing on one of mine and Steve’s basest fears. My heart would be swelling with pride if it wasn’t directly against one of my parental mantras – I do not negotiate with terrorists!

Any parent who, like me, has stood in Walmart watching their child pee on the floor of the clothing department will understand why we drop everything and run when she says she has to pee. Any parent who, like me, keeps a spare pair of panties and Resolve in every closet around the house understands why she can play this repeated game of “crying wolf” and still get a response.

Nope. Those girls definitely have the upper hand here. Their tactics are faultless and will reap a reward every time. They’ve got us where they want us and are playing us for fools.

But all is not lost. There WILL be a counter attack! After all, they learned their skills of warfare from someone, and it’s time they’re reminded not to mess with the General!

Revenge is a dish best served in Pull-Ups!