Dear Reader,
I typically try to keep my blog upbeat and leave the heavy real-life stuff for... you know... never. But, I hope you'll bear with me as I attempt to alleviate some of my feelings through the written word.
The only way I can come out and just say this is to do exactly that....
We lost the baby last night.
I went in yesterday afternoon for my regularly scheduled 16 week appointment. After talking through some of my concerns, the doc tried to find a heartbeat with the doppler and couldn't. She immediately walked me to another building for an ultrasound where she wasn't able to detect a heartbeat and said that the baby actually didn't looked formed right to her. (Kind of glad and sad to have heard that).
She quickly sent me up to LDS Hospital where they can do a more in depth ultrasound. Again, no heartbeat was found and the baby wasn't moving at all. (Side note: It did looked formed better in that picture.) By that point Steve had met up with me and after a total whirlwind we found ourselves in the OR area getting prepped for D&C surgery.
Because I'd eaten on my way to my appointment - silly me, not knowing I'd be needing surgery! - they waited to do the surgery until around 10:00 pm. All went well. I got home this morning around 4:00 am with instructions to take it easy for a few days.
We are obviously heartbroken, as you begin to love a baby the second you know of its existence. But, alongside the heartbreak is a certain amount of peace and an overwhelming gratitude for the three perfect, beautiful smiling faces that greeted me this morning.
A few thoughts:
*Waking up a little faster than they expected and finding your feet hanging from the ceiling is a little disconcerting.
*Having the super old, but super great, anesthesiologist repeatedly call you "Buddy" is strangely comforting. And at least it wasn't "Honey" or the ever dreaded "Dear"!
*I'd like to personally thank whatever cable station was having the James Bond Movie Marathon last night for helping keep my mind of a crummy evening.
*And last but not least, knowing people are praying for you makes a lot of impossible situations feel a little more bearable.
Thank you!
3 comments:
I don't really know what to say other than I'm so sorry! If I were there I would just sit and hang out with you...but I can't just sit and hang out on the computer. :) We love you and are praying for you. Take it easy and let people help you! Oh...and of course the offer still (always) stands for you to come visit and escape. :)
I'm sorry that happened to you guys. Just know I LOVE YOU and I'm here for you!!
I'm sorry to hear your sad news. My prayers and thoughts are with you!
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