Why I'll Never Be Thin

When I was growing up food wasn't such a big thing to me. It was there when I was hungry, but I just ate and went about my business without giving it too much thought. My mom was great about keeping the cookie jar stocked and, probably because it was always there, I was able to go days without taking one.

Fast forward to the birth of my first child about 7 years ago (next month!). It was November. I had gone from working full-time and playing with my friends, to parenthood and staying home. It was cold and snowy and wet. My baby was tiny and didn't sleep and I think she may have hated me a little bit.


In those dark hours of 2003 I made a discovery that has been a both a boon and a curse to me ever since.

Eating = Happiness.

Good food can make even the worst days a little brighter.

Now it's 2010 and I'm just pregnant enough with #4 to let people think my chubby tummy is a baby bump. But really it's a brownie bump.

What to do? I'm addicted. There are days that all I want is for the kids to go to bed so that I can eat my pint of Ben and Jerry's (or B&J as addicts like me call it) and allow its soothing softness to melt away the last stresses of the day.

Somehow this self-talk: "Nice work, Aspen! Today you managed to keep it together and your kids are all still alive. The dog continues to find shelter in your home. Your husband got a wink and a butt slap. You deserve a carrot stick!! You go girl! Eat that carrot stick and think about what a great person you are. Just gnaw on that sucker until it fills you with joy!"

Isn't having the same affect as this: "Nice work today lady! You managed to hold your tongue and even smile a bit. Have some ice-cream. And that warm brownie...MMM......" the rest is lost as I sink into bliss.

Carrot sticks are something every human being is entitled to. Dessert is a reward.

And this is why I'll never be thin.